


Santa Darling

by madbrilliant84



Series: A very darling Christmas [2]
Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Almost Crack, Blow Jobs, Christmas Smut, M/M, Stripping, holiday fic, so silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-13 04:05:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12975498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madbrilliant84/pseuds/madbrilliant84
Summary: „Uhm, Eames? This isn’t exactly what I meant with going to one of the themed Christmas markets.““But darling, this one HAS a theme!”“I was thinking more along the lines of the Scandinavian one or the one that’s strictly organic…”“Who would want an organic Christmas market if they could have an adult one?”





	Santa Darling

**Author's Note:**

> So, this has turned out to be way sillier than planned. But what do you expect when you set the story at an x-rated Christmas market :D And yes, this place is real. All of this exist. I live in a very strange (and awesome) town. Enjoy the festive smut ;)
> 
> Warning: Unbeta'd so probably full of mistakes.
> 
> Disclaimer: I down't own any of the characters but all mistakes are mine :)

„Uhm, Eames? This isn’t exactly what I meant with going to one of the themed Christmas markets.“

  
“But darling, this one HAS a theme!”

  
“I was thinking more along the lines of the Scandinavian one or the one that’s strictly organic…”

  
“Who would want an organic Christmas market if they could have an adult one?”

  
Eames looked truly baffled and Arthur shouldn’t be surprised. Of course Eames would love a Christmas market in the middle of the red light district that actually stayed true to its surroundings. They’d spent the last day holed up in the presidential suite, making most of the cozy fireplace – and the soft rug in front of it. But today Arthur really wanted to see another market and had left the decision which one they should visit to Eames.

  
Arthur sighed. “Okay, you win. We might as well take a look around if we’re already here.”

By the look on Eames’ face it might as well have been Christmas morning.

Once they had stepped through the gates Arthur had to admit that it wasn’t as garish as he had feared it might be.  
Yes, the mugs had silly half-naked angels and Santas printed on them and the stalls were not just selling mulled wine but also drinks called “Orgasmus” and “Ficken” but other than that it looked like a fairly normal Christmas market. Well, maybe except for the stall that sold chocolate penises.

“Oh darling, look at this!!! Chocolate cocks!” Arthur had just returned with two hot spiced ciders when Eames practically dragged him over to the stall that was indeed selling penises, naked torsos and tits all made out of chocolate.

“They’re all handmade”, the lovely middle aged woman behind the counter informed them.

“Did you hear that? This is a proper craft product”, Eames exclaimed grinning while inspecting a rather impressive milk-chocolate prick. “Do you think this looks like mine?”

Arthur couldn’t help but chuckle. “Well, that might be pushing it a bit. Although, I wouldn’t mind putting it in my mouh.”

Eames clutched the chocolate penis dramatically to his chest. “Darling! Are you saying you prefer this chocolate monstrosity to the real thing?”

“Well, it is handmade and probably quite tasty… But I prefer it when my blow jobs don’t literally melt on my tongue.”

Eames looked at the penis thoughtfully. “True. Do you think we should maybe get one for Ari?”

Arthur was about to protest when he remembered who they were talking about. “Actually, that might be a great idea. She’ll probably love it.” 

Eames beamed at him. 

“Now pay for it and drink your cider.” 

Of course Eames decided to buy more Christmas presents at this stall because “they’ve got something for everyone!” and while he chatted away to the lady behind the counter Arthur took the opportunity to wander around for a bit. He started to get seriously amused by the ridiculousness of it all when one of the stalls caught his eye. Of course he’d seen other vendors here flocking sex toys (most of them decorated in tinsel) but this one was different. At first he wasn’t sure what he was looking at when suddenly he realized what they were selling: dildos carved from pinewood. Each of them was unique, painted in dark forest colors and lacquered so they gleamed like marble under the Christmas lights. They were almost elegant to look at. Eames would probably love them …Before he knew it he’d bought a dark green one and asked if it could be sent to their hotel. And not one second too early because just as he had finished giving his address, Eames came bounding over, a bag full of inappropriate chocolate swinging from his hand.

“There you are, darling! You won’t believe what I’ve just found.”

Arthur was glad that whatever his boyfriend had spotted had kept him from noticing the wooden dildos. He got dragged across the market until they stood in front of a tent. The sign above the entrance said: Live Strip Show.

“You’re kidding me …”

“I know! Isn’t this just brilliant? I love this city.”

“But how can they have a strip show at a Christmas market? Is this even legal?”

“Oh hush, darling. Of course it is. This is St. Pauli. Look, no one else seems to be bothered by it.”

And it was true. Everyone around here didn’t seem to be surprised by a Christmas strip show. In fact, most people looked rather amused and excited. And was that a group of women in their sixties coming out of there giggling?

“We’ve got to have a look, pet. I’m sure this is going to be hilarious!”

Arthur sighed. He really didn’t fancy watching a Santa look-a-like take his clothes off; especially surrounded by middle-aged women tipsy on mulled wine. But as so very often he just couldn’t say no to Eames’ seemingly boundless enthusiasm for all things ridiculous. 

“Alright, alright. Lead the way then.”

Eames linked their arms and led Arthur into the tent. It was quite busy inside and dimly lit. A couple of white leather sofas and chairs were placed around the tent, little Christmas trees on every table. On stage Arthur could see a skimpily clad “Angel” gyrate around a golden pole. He looked around the room and was truly surprised by how diverse it was. 18 year-old boys and girls trying to look either unimpressed or joking around, couples of every age and orientation and more groups of grown-up women having a grand old time. 

“This is so weird”, he says leaning into Eames.

“Isn’t it?! I think this is grand. Look at them all.”

As amusing as it all was, Arthur really needed another drink to handle this. The girl on stage had just finished her show, thong still in place (so they did try to keep it a little more “family friendly”) and Arthur made his way to the bar. He was about to order one of the more adult themed drinks just to make Eames smile even more when he realized that they were mostly disgusting shots and he loved Eames but that was a step too far. He got them two more mulled wines instead when he heard the host onstage announce the next dancer. His German was good enough that he understood that apparently it was amateur round now and he really felt for the poor guy or girl who had been talked into this by their drunk friends. He was trying to spot Eames in the crowd when the first bars of “Santa Baby” came over the speaker. A second later Arthur almost dropped their drinks.

Sauntering on stage, clad in a rather tight fitting Santa suite and hat (but without a beard) came none other than his bat shit crazy boyfriend. When he saw Arthur standing there gaping he just winked at him and started swaying his hips. Eames had never been the best dancer but what he lacked in technique he certainly made up for in enthusiasm. He had the crowd roaring in no time but his eyes never left Arthur who, if he was being honest, felt a weird mix of awe, adoration and a healthy dose of embarrassment. He downed one of the drinks he was holding in one and was almost ready to demolish the other as well when the host pushed a chair towards Eames who caught it and planted himself on it. 

Now Arthur definitely needed the second drink because Eames was pointing at him and beckoning him over with his finger. Arthur forcefully shook his head no but Eames was just nodding, mouthing “Oh yes!” and by now every pair of eyes in the tent was set on Arthur anyway. Fuck. He took a deep breath, downed the second drink and stepped towards the stage. Eames had gotten up and motioned for him to sit down. It was hard to see the audience through the stage lights but Arthur thought he saw more than one jealous glare directed at himself and couldn’t help but feel a little smug. That didn’t last long because the next second Eames was straddling his lap and Arthur realized that he was about to be given a very public lap dance by his boyfriend. If Arthur had ever really wondered if Eames truly had no shame, well, here was his answer.   
Eames had started to grind his hips into Arthur’s and he had to hold his breath so he wouldn’t moan. Yes, he was embarrassed but he was only human after all. Eames noticed his reaction anyway and grinned at him.

“Enjoying yourself pet?” he whispered into Arthur’s ear.

“I fucking hate you…”

“No, you don’t,” Eames all but purred and licked his earlobe for emphasis.

But before Arthur could react, Eames had lifted off his lap and disappeared behind his back. Arthur couldn’t see what was happening but it must be good by the enthusiastic reaction from the audience. When a second later Arthur’s hands were grabbed and put onto a naked chest, he was able to take an educated guess. He closed his eyes and swallowed because he could feel Eames flexing beneath his fingers. A moment later his hands were put onto Eames (thankfully still clothed) bottom and Arthur couldn’t help but laugh. Never in a million years would he have imagined himself in a situation like this. He should know better by now that life with Eames was a lot of things but certainly never predictable.

By the time Eames had circled back towards the front, looking down at Arthur, the point man was still smiling widely at him. Eames bent down again in a conspiring whisper.

“Ready for the big reveal, darling?”

Arthur brushed his lips against Eames ear: “Bring it, Mr. Eames!”

The forger straightened, grinned at Arthur, turned around and ripped the red Santa pants off in one swift move which left Arthur staring at Eames lovely naked bum and tiny red thong. The crowd went wild and Arthur couldn’t help but blush. The situation didn’t get any better when Eames turned around and he saw just how flimsy that bright piece of “underwear” was. He didn’t know what expression had crossed his face but it must have been quite something because when he met Eames’ eyes the look he got was stormy.   
Arthur grabbed the Santa coat off the floor and wrapped Eames (who was waving at the audience) up in it and marched him off-stage. 

Once they reached the small backstage dressing-room he didn’t hesitate to push the forger against the next dressing table, kissing him like a starving man. Arthur wasn’t sure if he was jealous that everyone in that tent had gotten to see Eames goods but he suddenly wanted to leave his mark all over his lover. He was just sucking a lovely bruise onto Eames neck when the forger tapped his shoulder. Arthur lifted his head just to see a man and a woman clad in skimpy elf-costumes walk past them. Both gave them a quick once-over but it was the woman who spoke.

“Ihr habt 5 Minuten Jungs. Viel Spaß!”

Then they walked onto the stage, the man turning around giving them a quick wink.

Eames and Arthur looked at each other and burst out laughing.

“Were we just told by Santa’s sexy helpers to get on with it?” Eames managed to say in between laughs.

Arthur tried to compose himself. “Yeah, I think we just did. But we don’t have much time.”

Eames was still smiling but his gaze had turned heated again.

“Well, what are you waiting for then, darling?”

Arthur didn’t have to be told twice before he attacked Eames mouth again his hands moving the thong out of the way to get his hands on Eames’ cock, which was already straining against the material. Eames moaned when Arthur’s very capable fingers stoked him to full hardness and both men were grateful that the music in the tent was cranked up to full volume.

They had resumed kissing and Arthur upped his efforts setting a rather punishing pace.

“Ahhh… fuck darling! Are you trying to kill me her?”

Arthur’s grin was practically evil. “Well, we are on a very tight schedule and I think you might just deserve this after the little stunt you’ve just pulled.” He gave Eames balls a squeeze for emphasis and his head fell forward onto Arthur’s shoulder.

“Darling…darling, I’m close…”

At this Arthur pushed Eames upright and slid onto his knees. He gave Eames leaking cock a long swipe with his tongue before swallowing him down. Eames hand flew immediately to Arthur’s head and he couldn’t help but pump his hips into his lover’s mouth. Arthur didn’t seem to mind. He just opened his jaw a little wider, his eyes never leaving Eames’ gaze. Arthur took his balls into his hand again and just lightly stroked at the sensitive spot behind them but it was all that his lover needed and Eames spilled straight down his throat, stifling a shout. 

When he was done Arthur licked him clean and before getting off the floor again. He had to adjust his own erection, a move that didn’t go unnoticed by a goofily smiling Eames. 

“Can I help you with something, pet?”

Arthur smiled and gave Eames light kiss on the lips. 

“Hmm, not yet. Let’s get back to the hotel and then you can make it up to me very very slowly.”

Eames growled low in his throat. “Whatever you say, darling.”

“Now get dressed Mr. Eames” Arthur ordered with light smack to Eames still exposed bum. “And take the thong with you …”

xxxxx

 

**Author's Note:**

> There is no amateur round at this tent in real life, thank God...


End file.
